The Reflection Pool

The blister,
the one on my right thumb
that I prematurely popped,
it hurts,

especially when I hold my pen.
I’m holding it a little funny
because it hurts so much
and my letters keep coming out in
the wrong order even when I know
the order that they are supposed to come in.
Sleep doesn’t come as easily as I thought
it would. Really, I don’t want to sleep
because I don’t want to wake up
in the middle of the night not 
sure where I am or where you are.
You’re right there but for a few
moments you aren’t and I am in
a strange place full of strange things
that I don’t recognize. My life
is full of non-profits and doing good
but I’m trained to make money for
the other. I’m wearing clothes 
that aren’t mine or better yet it makes
me feel like I should wake up in the
middle of the night and not remember who
I am or where you are which is exactly
what’s happening. I can’t distinguish up 
from down and so maybe its the crack of dawn.

Heart seizing breath taking panic attacks
aren’t really about that pasta dinner
coming up in a few weeks. Maybe, 
just maybe, its about looking in the 
mirror and seeing longer hair; waking 
up in the middle of the night not
knowing who I am and where you 
are. Maybe its about losing
one definition and finding another
I wasn’t expecting.
Or maybe it’s the season’s change
and dirty toenails.
But right now,
at this moment,
it’s hard to tell.